Nine years ago I ended a friendship.

The end was nigh.

Basically it went something like this: my friend and I disagreed on something. I challenged him on something else and called his bluff, and he hasn’t spoken to me since.

I give no flying foxes about that.

The thing is that what I said was truth. His behaviour contradicted things he would say. He would say things and then take them back. Plus, he both hated all of my friends, boys and girls, and was a drama queen. I don’t miss him.

What I learned though is that it’s probably not a great idea to do that to someone. I ripped a band aid off a wound, and I took pleasure in doing so. It’s unlike me to want to be so hurtful.

It’s also so unlike me to speak the truth to someone who would rather live in a fantasy land, or at least in a place where you can fling words around and hope that they either stick, or that they don’t.

I’ve been unraveling this friendship for a long time. I’ve always attracted a lot of liars into my life, and the more I unravel, the more I think about his stories and realise that they didn’t make sense. And I think I knew that at the time, even when I was younger and naive, but I didn’t want to deal with the idea of someone I admired being another raving liar type person.

Sometimes you only see what you want to.

Like, he would say someone was annoying or ugly or stupid, and I’d just go along with it.

Or, like, he would suddenly have a bogus illness or malaise, and I’d just go along with it, no questions asked.

Or, like, he would come up with excuses for doing things he perceived as bad — smoking, drinking, listening to Linkin Park (because they were the voice of teenage rebellion), and I would tell myself he was going through a hard time, rather than helping him accept himself for he was.

When I was young and silly I wanted to save him, but I couldn’t.

When I was slightly older I wanted to show him his reflection, but he didn’t want me to do that.

You’d think that maybe that saved him, but it didn’t.

No regrets, but it’s the last band aid I ever ripped off.

Written by

I like books, rubber ducks, 90s pop music and putting words on paper. Wrote a thesis on romance. Tea and learning tarot.

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