I’ve probably reached a point of no return, and it took a simple Facebook profile viewing to do it. Long ago I’d lost touch with an old friend, and realised after looking at their profile that I hadn’t been keeping up to date. It probably doesn’t help that my friend has always been a little bit scatterbrained on the socials and email, so when I realised I knew nothing about them at the moment, something else dawned on me.

It’s probably time to make amends with some of these people, and, worse, I don’t know how to do it.

There’s a big difference in choosing to cut someone out of your life — or at least, getting rid of them on social media — and losing touch completely. The choice you make when you ‘unfriend’ or block someone is a just as it sounds — a choice. And I have no regrets, well, except for that weirdo guy from high school who came up with a bunch of new Facebook profiles a few years ago. Luckily he and I have not had the pleasure of connecting again.

Losing touch completely.

I don’t know what to do about it. Numbers change, people move (my friends seem to be always moving house). Can I just phone someone and say ‘Look, sorry, you called me at a shit time in my life, and now I’m ready to make amends?’

Maybe a good friend would be okay with that; but hey, no one likes to be a doormat. Maybe they wouldn’t be okay.

This is why fighting with someone is easier.

I read once that if you feel that a break up is pending, it 99% of the time is about to happen.

Or, when someone shows that they can’t be trusted, or use hate speech or have very different ideologies to you, those are all really valid reasons to blank that person. I’ve been blocked for being a religious nut, deleted for turning my profile rainbow during the #lovewins days and so on. No hard feelings.

Or, worse, you say things that you probably can’t take back.

Or, it’s a one sided fight, and you can’t stand the person who does things like makes snide remarks about people you love or your friendship was too complicated to begin with.

Or when your ex boyfriend posts really cryptic messages on your Facebook profile for everyone to see. Awkies.

Or when you just can’t go on caring about someone anymore.

Drifting though, it just seems to happen. It started in high school. In Year Ten and all the way through Senior School, people I had spent most of my days with would suddenly just not be at school anymore, and then, just as suddenly, technically not my friend anymore. That common element of time slides, and then, bam, nothing.

In my working life, I have worked in 10 different schools and that’s just in regards to teaching. In 10 years I moved house 10 times. Sometimes my life is entirely about collecting boxes. That’s a lot of connections, a lot of communities, to be a part of. I don’t remember all of the students I have taught, but plenty of them will remember me. Through it all, I have a few core groups of friends, but sometimes we are really bad at getting together.

Truth be told, I am hopeless at staying in touch. And I hate conflict.

So, I guess tomorrow, maybe I will try and reach out.

I’ll be in touch.

I like books, rubber ducks, 90s pop music and putting words on paper. Wrote a thesis on romance. Tea and learning tarot.

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